By Tanner Lecumberry Posted October 16, 2013
Do read this, or don’t, it’s whatever.
Don’t wear a tail. I don’t care if your spirit animal is a fox. Don’t.
Do try to get some street cred.
Don’t fight the biggest guy you see though, go for the weak link.
Do watch “Breaking Bad” for inspiration.
Don’t actually manufacture or sell methamphetamines, you’ll have some problems.
Do take up rapping, and wear a fluffy coat
Don’t sing “Thrift Shop.” I thought we were passed that.
Do yell HUMP DAY in the halls, even if it’s not Wednesday.
Don’t let the haters bring you down. Just kidding, you don’t have haters.
Do loiter in the parking lot. Fight the power!
Don’t follow the crowd. Haven’t you ever seen a herd of cows run off a cliff?
If you haven’t seen that, do Google it. It’s real.
Don’t even try Bing; seriously, what a joke.
Do respect your parents. Imagine not having internet.
Don’t get too worried though, they’re dominating Facebook now. Yikes.
Do learn to cook; I’m pretty sure that’s how you get honeys in college.
Don’t burn yourself though. Hospitals are ridiculously expensive.
Do read this whole paper, we worked really hard.
Don’t let me boss you around. Remember, you’re always your own boss.