Horoscopes

Horoscopes

By Samm Sharp Posted: March 20, 2020

Aries (March 21 – April 19) – It’s almost Aries season. And spring break. Live in the moment and let the sun fuel your fire.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20) – Apply for college before it’s too late.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20) – Life is stressful. Watch season 7 episode 19 of “The Office”.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22) – If you’re going to keep crying at a rate of 45 tears per minute, it would be in your best interest to drink some water.

Leo (July 23 – August 22) – Stop following the Kardashians and focus on yourself. They’re made of plastic and were born into wealth because of Kim’s… you know.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22) – Write a book before graduation. Title it “The Misadventures of a High School Senior”.

Libra (September 23 – October 22) – Being book-smart will only get you so far.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) – Buzzfeed personality quizzes are not a valid reason to stay up until 2 a.m.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) – Being optimistic isn’t always your best option. Maybe the cup is simply half.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) – Stop posting so much on your Snapchat story. I promise you, three snaps is more than enough.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18) – From now on, only accept apologies in the form of ice cream and changed behavior.

Pisces (February 18 – March 20) – If you haven’t already, adopt a reptile. A lizard would suit your cold-blooded personality perfectly.

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