By Jessie Schirrick Posted October 15, 2014
My mom just told me about this cool new song “My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark” by Fall Out Boy. She’s so hip.
The concept of car commercials doesn’t make sense to me. How do you decide to buy something that costs as much as $30,000 because of something you saw on TV? Commercials rarely actually make me want to buy things. The best stuff to buy doesn’t have commercials: puppies, old grandma blankets, etc.
Because of its questionable texture, do you put unfinished clam chowder in the trash or down the drain? Trick question, you should never have leftover clam chowder. The stuff is a delicacy and should be treated like that.
Remember Arby’s? Me neither.
Apple’s new iOS8 software makes it much easier to delete recruitment emails from private colleges that haven’t yet realized I’m a waste of talent.
I despise those who make you guess when they say “Guess what.” It’s a rhetorical demand, and chances are I don’t care enough to use energy to infer about what you have to say. Don’t waste my time.
The most fun way to clean your room is by picking up everything off of the floor with your feet. It’s also the most difficult and the most inconvenient way. Speaking of the word “convenient”, I can remember the first time I saw that word. It was in the hospital on a sign hung above an ATM. How many people can say that?
Indie pop music is good because every song can either make you feel sexy or sad and what other emotions would you ever need to feel?
Serious question: How do you milk an almond?
May your underwear drawer always be full to the brim with fresh, clean undergarments.
