By Samm Sharp Posted March 6, 2018
Recently, many teachers at Lowry have noticed a decrease in students’ effort in class. Many of them have been diagnosed with senioritis, but it’s not just the seniors that have been infected.
Several juniors as well as a few sophomores have been diagnosed with this extremely contagious disease. Dr. Lauron Haasenhouf from Las Vegas has recently visited Lowry and has conducted several experiments around the school as well as admitting students to his portable hospital.
After endless hours of scientific research, Dr. Haasenhouf has come to the conclusion that it is not the students infecting each other, but the teachers’ lack of effort in the classrooms.
“If the teachers at Lowry High School were to put more effort into teaching, typically, the students would pursue their schoolwork more adequately. In that situation, the virus would not have spread so quickly or perhaps not at all,” said Haasenhouf.
He found several forms of the virus on specimens of binders, notebooks, pencils, backpacks, and even in the school’s water fountains. The worst form of senioritis was found in the Precalculus textbooks and the Consumer Finance workbooks.
According to the doctor, “All of the textbooks, worksheets, and binders must be burned. The virus has taken over the majority of the junior and senior class; at this point, we have no other options.” Doctor Haasenhouf also suggests students bring a water bottle from home since all of the water carries the disease.
Haasenhouf also mentioned that once he wipes out the disease, if teachers and students still do not give enough effort there will be another outbreak, even worse than this one.
