Tanner Talks

By Tanner Lecumberry & Tanner Ames Posted December 18, 2013

Again, for the purpose of differentia, Tanner Ames will be recognized as Derek.

Derek: Christmas is in the air. Time for cheers, carols, snow, and much more. What do you think the true meaning of Christmas is Tanner?

Tanner: Well, there’s really nothing like the crisp breath of fresh air on a bright winter morning or the soft wonder of a pumpkin pie. Still, though, the best part of any Christmas is by far the moment of overwhelming peace with the rest of your family. Or it could be white-washing your little cousin. Either or, really.

Derek: I always thought that Santa was a cool fellow, even if he isn’t real. I’m not saying he isn’t (for all of you believers). A jolly old man who eats cookies for a living, giving presents to good kids all around; what a good guy. What do you think about Old St. Nicholas?

Tanner: I always thought he was a neat guy but in desperate need of some physical activity. We may have to add some reindeer if it gets any worse.

Derek: Summer, fall, winter, and spring. I like just about all the seasons. My favorite season is spring. How’s about you, Tanner?

Tanner: I like winter. Snow and the crisp fog of early November mornings are very calming to me.

Derek: Sorry to change the subject, but I have recently witnessed a hilarious show. Have you ever seen Practical Jokers? What if we did something like that? I think it would be awesome.

Tanner: I think people are too sensitive for that kind of stuff. A few thumbtacks and a bucket of tar later and we’d be suspended for the rest of our lives.

Derek: Did you know that banging your head against the wall uses 150 calories an hour, so if you want to lose weight, just try doing your homework.
Tanner: Welcome to Calculus, my friend.

Derek: If you’re tossing a coin in the air, guess tails more than heads. The head side weighs more, so the coin will be more likely to land on the head.

Tanner: Huh, I guess tails really never fails.

Derek: Tongues are used for many things; talking, is the main thing. However, did you know that the tongue, in proportion to its size is the strongest muscle in your body? Another fact is that each person’s tongue has a unique print.

Tanner: I did know that. That’s why I never steal anyone’s food that I would have to eat with a fork. Go for ice cream; it’s the perfect crime.

Derek: Tanner?

Tanner: Yes sir?

Derek: Am I boring? People think I can either be the most boring person, or the most energetic, exciting person.
Tanner: No way. I think we’re working quite well together.

Derek: What made Rudolph’s nose so red? Norwegian scientists believe it was a parasitic infection. What’s your opinion?

Tanner: He obviously snorted a lightning bug, which fed off the pollen Rudolph breathed in. Someday it’ll grow too large, I’m afraid…

Derek: I wish someone gave me presents for twelve days. The total amount of presents given in that song total 364 presents.

Tanner: I just think it’s impressive that you know that song that well. I get lost somewhere between a peach tree and a golden ring every time.

Derek: Do you have anything else to say?

Tanner: No, not really.

Derek: I believe it’s time for us to go, so everyone have a good life until next time.

Tanner: Goodbye!