By Brody Goucher and Dani Ricker Posted December 17, 2014
Dani: Hey, Brody, guess what.
Brody: What?
Dani: Chicken butt!
Brody: Seriously?
Welcome back for another issue of Lowry Code, dudes. Knock, knocking at the top of our agenda for this month are bad jokes. Up next: shut your mouth and listen up about things that shouldn’t be said in the halls. And omg guys, it’s time to stop talking in text lingo.
Dani: I don’t understand why everyone hates on bad jokes. Bad jokes are funny. Except for knock, knock jokes. Those are not funny. Don’t tell knock, knock jokes. “Your mom” will never get old. Never. “That’s what she said” is annoying, but usually funny, so I guess those are cool. Moral of the story: never stop telling bad jokes.
Brody: I support any meaningless jokes with a passion; not only are they funny, but they also don’t have an expiration date. Dani left out the classic “you have something on your shirt” joke, which even my two-year-old cousin doesn’t fall for anymore. Students who are annoyed by these jokes have little to no sense of humor and should frankly be homeschooled.
Dani: Things you do not talk about at school: your sex life, partying, smoking/excessive drinking, and how much you love your significant other. Reasons not to talk about these things at school: nobody cares. Also, nobody cares. Things you should talk about at school: How awesome Mr. Setzer is, how much calculus sucks, The Bald and Beautiful’s new album, and how amazing chicken Caesar salad is. Why? Because everybody cares. Everybody.
Brody: I am fine with anyone expressing their opinions at school, as long as they aren’t stupid or meaningless. Honestly, if you want to talk about how turnt you got last weekend, then be my guest, just don’t make other people listen to how lame and pointless your life is. I couldn’t agree more with Dani on Mr. Setzer, who might be the greatest teacher in the history of Lowry academics. Lastly, school isn’t for talking about your relationships; everyone is tired of hearing about how amazing your “future spouse” is, even though we all know that’s not going to happen.
Dani: Nothing annoys me more than when people say “rn”. Don’t do that. And another thing, why would you say “lol” when you could literally just laugh out loud? That makes me want to throw a dictionary at your face. Please learn how to speak grammatically correct before any attempts to apply for a job, or else your life will be filled with disappointment.
Brody: Fellow students, please stop using text lingo that you find funny in verbal conversations. Odds are you are just making people think that you lack any third-grade education. If you’re using your phone and you’re too lazy to simply spell out a word, then that’s fine, but don’t incorporate your appalling grammar into everyday speech.
Well, people, we hope you took something other than the fact that Brody and I complain a lot from this article. Remember, children, stay in school. Say no to drugs and yes to tacos, and always, I mean always, take candy from strangers in vans.
