By Wyatt Lester Posted May 29, 2013
Do read this whole column.
Don’t chat with your friends in advisory right now…read this.
Do try to survive the readings of the odd literature selected or the homework that is absolutely horrendous.
Don’t try to say that last line in your head in a British accent.
Do say it out loud instead so everyone can enjoy.
Don’t eat school lunch.
Do eat greasy foods that you crave. That’s right, ruin yourself.
Don’t try to base your life on a TV show. Don’t live someone else’s life.
Do work hard and eat right. I’m talking Kellogg’s right. #realtalk
Don’t get mad, get glad. Yeah, I just used a hashtag.
Do believe me that I’m doing this for my fellow graduates. Such as Jesse “Murch” Murchison, Kelton Robbins, Matt Rhuel, Trystan “Twinkie” Blouir, and pretty much everyone in the senior class.
Do go enjoy your lunch period and eat plentifully.
Don’t go out and misuse your cash at expensive places.
Do go enjoy KFC and Long John Silvers for your hunger pains. It’s food for kings.
Don’t expect me to lend you money. I mean Oy Vey! I can’t even break even for my mini-fridge in my room!
Do start learning how to barter because the whole gold will save us when the dollar inflates! thing isn’t going well. So how’s that going for you now Cash for Gold? Mmhmm.
Don’t be upset that gold went down; at least we don’t have those annoying cash-for-gold commercials anymore. Also it’s OK, Winnemucca knows how to bounce back.
Do something! Somebody do something! Isn’t anyone else weirded out by North Korea?
Don’t fight back, just send them a bunch of boxes filled with unassembled bikes and toys and they’ll submit to their horrible OCD to put things together.
Do try to get rid of this paper because it is covered in super glue and the glue is about to dry, 3-2-1…..
Don’t believe that last line.
Do buy some nice short shorts to rock like that Stride gum commercial with Shaun White.
Don’t think he’s not cool because of his ginger status.
Do observe how awesome and rare we are in the wild.
Don’t resist repeating the line above in an Australian accent.
Do enjoy where you are. Lowry works hard to bring you what they can.
Don’t take me seriously sometimes. I’m mostly full of sarcasm and odd mental patterns.
Do follow me on Twitter @TheWyattLester
Don’t put this paper down; go read some of these great modern updates and reviews.
Do have a nice day.