By Wyatt Lester Posted April 17, 2013
Don’t get arrested.
Do try to escape from jail if you do get arrested.
Don’t eat cake if it’s past its expiration date, you could die dude.
Do eat mandarin oranges. They’re dope as rope.
Don’t eat cherries. Cherries are gross.
Do donate to various charities.
Don’t give money to homeless people. They eat the money. That’s a felony.
Do try to eat food that isn’t secretly poisoned. Have your squire take a bite before beginning your feast.
Don’t take up a whole bus seat. Unless you wear a large pants size.
Do kick annoying people in the shins. Sooner or later they’ll have problems walking.
Don’t kick kids. They have momma bears.
Do try to walk on the moon.
Don’t be racist.
Do go crazy at least once daily.`
Don’t lick the sidewalk.
Do lick a lollipop though. That’s meant for licking.
Don’t try to run people over. Unless you have a rhino bar on the front.
Do take at least 7 vitamins daily. You could try to be like Lance Armstrong. Get crazy fit to ride a bike! Then obtain a fine skill in lying to the world for an extensive period of time.
Do the Ginger Snap.
Don’t do the Harlem Shake. It’s been done a thousand times already.
Do the Ginger Snap
Don’t be a non-ginger. Your life is unoriginal.
Do be a ginger. We. Are. Awesome.
Don’t join the Nazi party.
Do obtain superpowers.
Don’t try to create them. Everybody hates a cheater.
Do eat chimichangas. That stuff is dope as rope.
Don’t try to look for a synonym for “Burrito” on Microsoft Word. I tried. There is absolutely no synonym. Not even “Taco” was on there.
Do watch all the “Star Wars” movies, you’ll become more whole as a person.
Don’t listen to country.
Do tell how many people that last “Don’t” upset. Freedom of speech.
Don’t eat cookies. Instead, eat the dough like an animal eating raw meat. But sugar meat…
Do hunt for Sasquatch… He’s out there…
Do swim team. It’s an amazing sport.
Don’t dis on the outfits. We wear man Speedos. Knee to thigh.
Don’t hunt for the Yeti though. It’s too cold for any life of that size. You’ll freeze and be hungry, that’s going to suck.
Do watch Comedy Central on TV.
Don’t watch anything after midnight on Adult Swim unless you have an easier sense of humor. Especially the “Eric Andre Show”, it’s amazing.
Do philosophize daily. It’s good for the thinking rock.