Fake News: Axe Body Spray discontinued, dismaying teen boys everywhere

Fake News: Axe Body Spray discontinued, dismaying teen boys everywhere

By Yoci Perez Posted December 16, 2022

Axe has officially announced that they will discontinue their widely known deodorant body spray. This news has set boys in a global rage.

Multiple accounts of young teens have been reported rioting outside of local Walmarts and setting up counseling groups, yes, counseling groups.

“I just think that they need to suck it up, it’s not a big deal,” said 14-year-old Morelia Magaña.

In spite of this young girl’s opinion, multiple boys still may not agree.

“Girls don’t understand the amount of pain that us men have to go through,” said fellow classmate of Magaña. “With such a strong symbol of our masculinity ripped away, many of us are left to suffer.”

These same incidents have happened in Germany, Columbia, Cuba, and 37 other countries.

“I mean I don’t really care, Axe Body Spray was kinda my secret to pulling so many chicks though,” said 15-year-old Daltin Kennedy. “I think they only got rid of it because too many girls wanted me.’’

Kenedy was later found sobbing while preparing a funeral for an empty Axe can outside near the Griddle’s parking lot.

Although this has sparked a furious reaction in teen boys all around the world, many girls are celebrating this massive victory.

“Personally, I’m so happy that those things are gone,” said Natalia Mayorga. “I can finally breathe when I walk by the boy’s locker room.”

Other students also seem to have the same mindset over this entire controversy.

“I’m just glad that I won’t be smelling Chad across the campus every waking period,” said her friend, Elizabeth Carrillo Ochoa.

This change has definitely not been overlooked in businesses as well. Many boys who originally were banned from stepping foot into small businesses are finally being able to enter.

Not only is this putrid spray’s absence changing lives, but it is also mending relationships.

“I finally am able to have a healthy relationship with my boyfriend now that he quit wearing that spray,” said Ava Marquis. “I don’t have to pretend that I don’t see people gag every time they are 5 feet in our direction.”