By Dani Ricker Posted April 15, 2015
Never think before you tweet. Also, tweet sad lyrics that make people think you’re depressed and hate life so you’ll get lots of attention.
Never refrigerate fruit. It gets too cold and then hurts your teeth when you bite into it. Except bananas. Always refrigerate bananas.
Don’t use insults like “poopyhead”. It’s lame and immature.
Life hack for painting your nails; don’t use bitter-tasting nail polish because it will taste bad when you bite your nails. Biting your nails is a fun habit and you shouldn’t let gross-tasting nail polish infringe on that.
Babies are the cutest. I hate when people complain about them acting up in public. Just let them live their cute, little carefree lives, okay? Geez.
Don’t bite or pull hair when fighting. People taste gross and pulling away with a handful of someone else’s hair is vile.
Don’t expose yourself to new ways of life. Hide in your bedroom and watch Netflix. The world is a scary place and fear is not something you need in your life.
Exercise your right to free speech and contradict things people say in your school newspaper. It’s not at all annoying, and even if it does hurt someone’s feelings you got a good kick out of it, so who cares?
